Another Baby Gone

In July we were so happy to be pregnant again.Happy and scared.Progesterone was low from the beginning but i was put on medication for that.Everything else was looking great.HCG levels went up like they were suppose to.At every ultrasound,everything looked great.Baby was growing as it should.Then came time for my 12 week ultrasound on September 23,2009 at 9:00a.m First the doctor tried to listen to the heartbeat on the doppler.She could not find the heartbeat.Next came the ultrasound.No heartbeat there either.Then came the realization that my baby was dead."Another" baby gone.I am angry..I am sad...I am confused.I know that someone is going to tell me that sometimes these things just happen.And I know when they say that...I will loose it.I will freak out on them.Because these things don't happen.People don't just go around with 3 dead babies.This is not normal.and this should not happen.We head on over to the hospital for a second ultrasound just to confirm what we already knew.On the way there I couldn't stop the slight hope inside me.The hope that maybe they were wrong and we would see a baby with a strong heartbeat.We have the second ultrasound and all that hope is crushed again.I am sad...I am angry....I am confused.We walk down the hospital halls and around the corner.Into the surgery outpatient room.I change into the gown.They hook me up to an IV.I am all prept to go.I say goodbye to my husband and mother and they roll me into the operating room.Everything goes black.A while later I wake up in a haze and I instantly feel different.Something is not right.Something is very wrong.Something is missing and I feel empty.Maybe its the being taken from my womb.Maybe its part of my heart.Maybe my soul.Maybe a little of everything.

My Heart

MY HEART WILL GO ON.It has to.I have no other choice.