yJun. 12th, 2009
10:39 AM
On May 23,2009 (the day before my birthday) I delivered my beautiful baby girl, Mia. 6 pounds, 5 ounces and 20 inches long. When I was pregnant, I wanted so bad to know what she looked like and right away realized she looked just like her Daddy. She had his curly hair down to his sweet little lips. The only thing I will never know is what color eyes she had. She never opened them, we never got to see them. Her heart stopped and she died. We had to burry our child, something a parent should never have to do. The doctors ran tests and came up with nothing. We had an autopsy done and they came up with nothing. They all said that sometimes these things happen and theres no explanation. That answer is not good enough for me. I remember when they told me there was no heart beat. My mother was standing next to me. As I was being hysterical, I was grabing onto her shirt and repeatedly kept saying "I dont understand." I find myself even now screaming that phrase in my head. Why did this happen to me? I did everything I was suppose to do. Blaine and I were so excitted about her and we loved her. I remember at the begining of my pregnancy I was a little unsure about being pregnant in the first place. And I remember the first time I saw her on the 3-d ultrasound. In that very moment, I fell madly in love with her. From then on, I never thought about my future without her in it. She was going to be my life. Why did God give her to me for 9 months and make me feel so deeply for her to just take her away? Sometimes I just sit in my room and stare at all her stuff. Her little clothes are still hanging up in the closet and her crib is still beside our bed. I know that it bothers Blaine and he want the stuff put away. I just cant. A part of me wants it gone but another part of me feels like if I put the stuff away, I will die too.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Copied and Pasted from livejournal.com
Posted by Allison Marie at 9:43 AM
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A Butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam, but only for a brief moment.
It's glory & beauty belong to our world. But then it flies on again.
And, though we wished it could have stayed, we feel lucky just to have seen it for a moment!
You never said you're leaving, You never said goodbye.
You were gone before I knew it, And only God knew why.
A million times I needed you, a million times I cried. If love alone could have saved you, You never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place, That nobody could ever fill. It broke my heart to lose you, But you didn't go alone. For part of me went with you, The day God took you home.
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